Where angels fear to tread, or where men should never go.

Living in a pre-child house, there is a certain feeling of impending brain meltdown. There is also more importantly, as I have previous explained an explosion of things, child related, either in toy, pram or clothing form. Now my worst fears have been confirmed as tonight on the dining room table/child sorting desk, sat mockingly a pamphlet entitled 'Great Expectations', I knew it was not the work of Charles Dickens, because it was photocopied and consists of 8 pages, which now thinking about would be the perfect length for a charles dickens book and you'd still be able to cut 7 pages of that if you were ruthless about it. (My loathing of Victorian Literature is perhaps another blog, I just really, really have this issue about book snobbery and people who just go on and on about how great books by Jane Austin, Dickens, Thackeray, etc is 'Great' Literature. Seriously, Jane austin wrote amazingly well, knowing just how many pages needed to be written to prop up that wobbly table stuns me even now) Indeed, in a slight digression, I possess a button labelled 'Soapbox ranter', There are quite a few triggers, Victorian literature is one but this is not the quickest, that is Film/Television 'Period Drama's', named thus, as they seem to last for about 4 days and are excrutiatingly painful. But hey ho, this is digression, where was I?

Ah yes, Great Expectations is a pamphlet explaining the Ante Natal options in Kirkby, and before one asks, no, it doesn't include 'go back to school', that would be stereotyping and wrong.
"these classes include information about Labour (I so hope the process and not the party), Birth, Pain relief, Infant Feeding and care for yourself and your newborn infant". All great I think and if you have forgotten how to care for yourself, even better, a refresher course in buttoning up your shirts.

My only concern from the whole of the book, written I would presume by health practicioners is there potential for assuming that women can be classified as boats, as these are the only other things I know that 'birth' (see what I have done there?), so 'suitable for all women birthing' sounds really rather odd, though not as odd as the last piece of advice about the birthing class, 'bring Pillow', what? Why? I assume not for stuffing up jumpers to pretend pregnancy, as I guess that would be done for them with no need for pillow, What's the pillow for??? It can't be that dull, can it.

I think I'll be going to one or two of these, I am not really looking forward to it, as I am sure they'll be people there wanting to talk about babies and generally wanting conversation, which is why my wife will be there so I can ignore them and think my thoughts quietly, such as, with all this stuff in house, will we actually have room for the child itself?