The debonair Basil Marigold's

Today, we decided mid-journey to head out to Available car to look at cars for when the child is born. We have been thinking of a Fiesta and so we thought, we'll go and have a sit inside and look at boot space and while we are there we'll check out the competitor cars too. We felt this to be the Seat Ibiza and the Skoda Fabia. So we arrived and took a walk about the giant warehouse. Well when I say we took a walk, I really mean, my wife walked I somehow was overcome by the desire, to sit in every single car I came too and press buttons (This revealed within me a side I never knew existed. I can only assume that somehow acquiring a licence has unlocked a secret room in my head that feels it is a good thing to stroke steering wheels, push buttons, etc. I didn't however go vroom, vroom. The windows were open, obviously). After removing the Skoda Fabia and the Seat Ibiza from our potential list, we felt that the fiesta we had sat in was, quite frankly, streets ahead of them and

The reason: The spare room, which at present doubles as a place where I work also has a bureau in it. We paid £10 on ebay for it. It is very nice, but is a little small. The item we found in bargain corner, is bigger and apparently when moved will fit with the decor better. you can get the impression here but hold the thought that the older bureau just fit snuggly in our car, please. You may have picked up on the next paragraph. Picture the scene, as I am stood by the pick up point with a large burea on a trolley, which is made up, as all items in Bargain corner are. My wife pulls the car up and I place the object width ways to the back...And this is where the afternoon descended into the Theaker attempt to bend the laws of Dimensional space! The car disappeared from view. We have a Ford KA, for those who aren't familiar with the size of this popular three door car, it is, say slightly smaller than, for example, an Ikea writing burea. What we were faced with is commonly known as, t

...And I fell into it. Completely. My running shorts are somewhat Hole-y as I discovered yesterday, though I am reminded by my wife that she has been saying this for a few weeks and so too my running jacket, which has a hole in the back which I haven't noticed. So we decided to visit Decathalon, at Junction 26 at Giltbrook to remedy this situation before it got embarrassing at the gym, and drafty. Decathalon is a huge sports factory that sells some very nice and wide ranging amount of sports and outdoor gear, love the place, smells of sport. So I picked up a couple of pairs of running shorts for a fiver each and a new, Red, running Jacket for £12. A bargain, all in all. So we decide to go to Ikea Nottingham which is next store for some Lunch as it was about 1.30pm and I had a meeting to attend a bit later. Only for lunch. I recommend the Meatballs in Ikea. They are lovely, really nice. Great with Chips. Anyway, while we are there eating our dinner my lovely wife unleashes the first

And it is. Even in the world of Art.

Somehow, I haven't managed to tell my wife that at some point today while she was out and I borrowed the car I, inadvertantly, smuggled in another Cassette into the car stereo . For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of listening to the Latin Chanting Spanish Benedictine monks, do so now. It's just great. I do recommed the following scenerios for full effect; 1 - Run a hot bath, get naked and get into bath, never quite seems to have same effect fully clothed. Find a large glass of Red Wine has been placed by the side. switch on tape and close eyes and relax. Try not to sink. 2 - Go into the bedroom and turn out all lights and get it as dark as you can, so that if you open your eyes you are almost blind through the darkness. Lie on the bed and close your eyes, turn the tape on and you will believe you are in a monastic Abbey. Sample the delights of the Monks.

As a result of our friend shooting off to Albania, they held a Yard sale on Saturday from 10-3. I could not go in the morning, but my wife did. I had a prior engagement at Boxercise! (oh, yes still going, but there are now men making me feel less selfconscious!). Though when the good lady wife returned and I had too, from the gym we attacked the contents fo the shed like Americans do the middle east. We made two trips and got loads skipped, horrible old carpet and stuff we really can do without, though the bike is still there, just wish it could be stored somehow else. After our last load I decided to take a different route home, which involved getting lost, but once found again we headed down Clumber and decided at that point to drop and see them at the yard as it was 2.50pm. And boy am I glad we did. The wife isn't, really. As we managed (well more me, really) found a veritable delight of leftover stuff, and here it is! I'll let you guess which I got and which I wasn't in

Takes another twist today, as one of our friends, who is off to Albania gave us a childs chair, its soft and blue and moulded. I have seen these around, but never up close. Walking from Church this morning with a blue moulded chair through town is always fun. So we have got it at home and decide to see how good it is. My wife tells me I would break it so we had to find a test subject. Little did we know just how multi-functional our Elephant could be, he's turning into an almost comparable crash test Elephant. After the washing machine incident we now find this! Have you ever seen a happier Elephant?

I have seen something, here , that's a brilliant Idea. I ask for secrecy so I can persuade my wife first! I think I can get her persuaded and I know some friends who do this. What a blank canvass!

The year was 1984, the one of dread in Orwells mind. It wasn't quite as bad as he predicted but for those of us with Eye problems, it was the full swing of NHS prescription glasses, before people realised they might like them as a fashion accessory. You had a choice as a child of a pair with such Thick Blacklenses you could absorb all the suns rays, if you fancied. Or the old fall back of tortouise shell style, which never will work, ever, unless your name is Thora Hird and you like maccaroones. The gold coloured ones that were recycled heatshields off the brand Space shuttle. Designed to reflect great heat and attract ridicule in equal measure. I had black, as you can clearly see. For those of you who remain unsure, it's second left, top row. If you can stop laughing.

It is a little cruel that National stereotypes develop. I love Ireland, been to both North and South and I love the people, the towns, especially the Guiness in Dublin and Croke Park watching U2 and Pearl Jam at the point. But stories like this tend to reinforce the belief that people there are a bit daft.

Well, today marked the first ever washing of an elephant in our house. I am not sure if the elephant buttons, really did like this. I do believe that elephants have an aversion to water and confined spaces, it was on national geographic channel, in my head. Here are the Pictures of said, Buttons, post-wash. He does look sad, doesn't he? (and in the first one moreso, ever so slightly radioactive) Still he now smells all nice and has come around to the idea of washing and thinks of it as an 'adventure'. I look forlornly at the Elephant and regret being so big that I cannot ride the washing machine ride, even in the big ones in launderettes.

I have a secret passion that I really keep rather well hidden, not because I am ashamed, it is because people, sometimes don't quite understand it. Most people I have met and know about this really can't stand it. But I stand proud because that is what having passion is for, loving something because it means something to you. So I reveal my hidden passion because I revealed it to my wife in the car on the way to swimming on Saturday! My secret passion is for Playback singers! What are playback singers I hear you cry? Indeed. A little history. For those of you who are au fait with Indian films, you will be aware that they not only act and Dance, but sing too! Now, what you may not know is that the actors do not themselves sing, they merely act and the singing is overdubbed. The playback singers provide the singing voices and in India the Playback singers, the great ones are as famous as the actual actors in the movies and they are pretty famous in India, which is almost as sadly

So in the last previous I soliliquise about how my wife sent me a nice card. Now onto the presents; My wife loves clothes, really, yes I know people can, go figure it's beyond me. I like cake, some people don't, all preference I guess. Though I don't know why people wouldn't like cake, unless they were damamged in some way, probably by a childhood cake incident that may have involved school dinner pudding. But enough of cake; death or cake? hmmm...Cake, please. Still makes me laugh. Anyway, I got my wife some Next Vouchers as I know in a few months she'll want some nice new clothes. I almost got her a dog photo frame, but £6.99 was a bit too steep, you may have seen it. And a jewelry box from the same charity shop as the phot frame. It was nice. It was, in its own way a little reminiscent of Charles rennie mackintosh style. But what did I get, you ask, no, just me? Well anyway I was bought the most amazing Valentine present I have ever received, which shows how obvi

My wife and I are an interesting clash of styles in so many ways, one particular way is in the way we use cards to express ourselves. My wife is very arts and Crafty, and that doesn't mean she lives in a laura ashley dress, making Jam for the W.I. while listening to the archers on R4. I on the otherhand think this would be a great lifestyle, sadly I am the wrong gender. I have a more, hmm...I'll buy the card. My wife seems happy as a pig in poo making homemade cards and very nice they are too. This is what has happened for Valentines day as you could imagine. My wife last night, while I had been in bed from 7.30pm, which for all those who know me, meant I didnt feel well, made me a very nice card with hearts and nice things on. As you can clearly see, a very lovely card and I have no doubts that our daughter will no doubt share my wifes obvious talent and love for all things arts and crafty, which is good as we do have so, so much stuff to do it with, only Joking there Honey. N

I love going into Charity shops because you never know just what bargain you could acquire. There is however a certain amount of dross to trawl though. I thought I had seen most of what can be constrewed as tat, but no...I found myself in Mansfields British heart foundation, which usually is great for good books but ornament wise is not brilliant and behold, upon the top shelf sat, perhaps the most amazing ornament I have ever seen, and now I shall reveal all... Yes, the ideal gift for all those dog-lovers out there, living in chintzy, weirdo land. I was saddened that such a work of creativity had to be reduced. I was scared to see that it was £12.99. I could only presume that the amount of people battering down the door meant they had to reduce it to, a bargain £6.99. So if you have a friend who has everything, or in fact someone you really don't in fact like then this dog photo frame, sculptured by the great Henry Moore himself is yours at Mansfield British Heart foundation. Take

Living in a pre-child house, there is a certain feeling of impending brain meltdown. There is also more importantly, as I have previous explained an explosion of things, child related, either in toy, pram or clothing form. Now my worst fears have been confirmed as tonight on the dining room table/child sorting desk, sat mockingly a pamphlet entitled 'Great Expectations', I knew it was not the work of Charles Dickens, because it was photocopied and consists of 8 pages, which now thinking about would be the perfect length for a charles dickens book and you'd still be able to cut 7 pages of that if you were ruthless about it. (My loathing of Victorian Literature is perhaps another blog, I just really, really have this issue about book snobbery and people who just go on and on about how great books by Jane Austin, Dickens, Thackeray, etc is 'Great' Literature. Seriously, Jane austin wrote amazingly well, knowing just how many pages needed to be written to prop up that w

Seriously, How do you lose a car !

I used to be a fairly decent runner until I inadvertantly put some weight on! Now I am in the process of trying to get back down to my fighting weight of about 16 stone. I am doing this by getting back into my running, now that I seem to have recovered from the almost continual injuries of last year created by a now recognised stupidly intensive racing programme. So I am running and I am getting my butt down to the gym also, putting in the weights to try and increase muscle mass, so that I burn more calories and increase my core stability, which I continually read is of massive benefit for a runner. So I found myself last week looking at the Gym noticeboard and seeing an advert for Power Circuits, and Boxercise. Now I intially believed Power circuits would be quite good fun as I remember doing circuits at school at it pretty much killing me, which in this context must be good for weight loss; and the boxercise a complete new one on me. So I found myself at 6pm Friday evening alone in t

In that I cannot turn it off, as and when required. This was proved tonight! As I walked Home from my group meeting at 7.30pm I went to go past the bus stop in my home time and a trio of girls where stood there, when one began to approach. I thought to ask the usual kirkby greeting, 'Got a light?' or 'can you get me some beer from the offie?', but no, Obviously she is a woman of exquisite taste and said 'Excuse me, can I have your number, you're well fit!'. Now, what has confused me is this. I didn't know her, so how did she know I ran marathons? I laughed and walked away, my wife laughed too, I think at me. It is a burden, being beautiful, at times.

I had some spare time this evening, so I loaded my Photo CD's onto my Hard drive, because I am that interesting, as a human being and came across some oldies I didnt realise I had! The first one is me halfway through growing my beard in 2003, sadly the only photos of me with full beard are on paper, and a friends CD might get him to send me an electronic copy. But I decided to grow the beard as it's something I have always wanted to have and I thought why not. I am not a huge fan of shaving and it keeps my face warm. So for over winter I grew an immense beard. Beards are for great men. I doubt my wife will let me grow another beard, which is a shame because I look really good with one, bizarrely everyone I spoke to said it really suited me.

There is an Eddie Izzard sketch which begins with a discussion on how the Spanish Inquistion would quite happily burn people, and how would a Church of England Inquisiton look like; It is essentially people being given the choice of Death or Cake? I am naturally one of those who when asked this would undoubtedly have chosen cake. At least I was, until I came across this little blog, where in fact I would prefer death to having to eat some of the cakes on display these crazy and bad cakes . And you thought death or cake was an easy choice? An example of really quite poor choice for a cake, although designed for a baby shower party, it is I think, (and the person who disagrees with me should really see a doctor) a tad inappropriate at a party when you are asked to cut it up and eat this cake. Though not the most terrifying cake on the site. How do you make cakes like this, you crazy cake makers!

Everyone has gone snow crazy; so here is my input. Snow fact number 1: There is no record of Snow ever falling in Singapore (since it has been recordable obviously)