Have a Bhronoscopy. No, this isn't some form of duplicate dinosaur. It is a part of the Endoscopy department at your local Hospital. It's the part of the hospital where you can have you insides put on the television screen. Having researched this post a little, there are quite a variety of 'scopy's' they can do. I was sat next to an elderly gentleman who had had a 'Cystoscopy' performed. I am not going to tell you what that is but will provide the following clue. It tends to be more painful for a man than a woman, due to the potential rigidity and diameter of the endoscope used.
Bhronoscopy is the term for the respiratory tract area that the endoscope investigates, as this was a diagnostic Brhonoscopy. The purpose to which was to find the root cause of why for the past few years, I have on occassion not just woken up everyday, but also blessed that day by spitting blood into the sink. Fortunately or unfortunately, my wife seemed to think that this perhaps required further investigation, like I said I had had this problem for a good number of years and had got used to it like an old tramp does that warm bench in the corner of the cemetary, where the wind is stopped by the mortuary chapel on a night. That Tramp though, is unmarried, and I am not. Hence a few months ago I headed to the doctors. My wife gives me chocolate in a rationed form. Now, I know how the North Koreans feel with sanctions, if you pick the right supply to cut off and then bingo, you own that country!
Now, I am especially rubbish at visiting Doctors or enjoying visiting hospitals. I have no intention of dying in a hospital, as that's where sick people end up. Not me, I shall die in some great cavalry charge, sword aloft and heading for the opposing Emperor. Death or Glory. Sometimes I envy Leonidas of Sparta his death, at Thermopylae. Not today though. I had to go because I had an appointment and I wanted to play the great Kings Mill hospital game of, 'Find that car parking space'. We did, my wife came as I was to be sedated and couldn't drive myself home. I didn't tell them that I probably could as I drove myself to the place before while having an acute allergic reaction. I kept that bit quiet and still fondly look upon it as one of the stupiest things, in hindsight I have achieved.
The process starts painfully and then, technically gets less painful, but more surreal. A bit like watching the X factor. It involved the Consultant sedating me by piercing my hand with a needle. Bizarre as I felt he could have offered me a nice single malt instead, my preferred method of sedation. Then, and this was arguably the most uncomfortable part of the whole day, was the anasthetic was injected through piercing my neck just below the adams apple with yet another needle. Now that one stung a little.
All this then enabled the classic conversation;
Consultant 'Do you have a strong gag reflex?' the temptation to reply
'Yes, depends on the gag. for instance, "A helvetica font walked into a bar, the barman said, 'get out we don't serve your type here'". always make me laugh, and you?'
What I actually replied was, ' I don't know', the rest of the sentence which I didn't vocalize was this, 'because when I had some spare time last week I decided to contemplate whether I had a strong or weak gag reflex, as I didn't have anything more interesting to think about. Like whether my daughter, when she looks at her dad, and rolls her eyes does this for a non-weird reason or thinking whether you could, in theory, grow a bacon tree to save the piggies?
I then proceeded to lie back and think of England as he shoved what can only be described, in an exaggerated way, an endoscope the width of an exhaust pipe up my nose and then turning it back down into my throat. I CANNOT stress just how bizarre this sensation is, really, don't try this at home with a bendy pencil. (there is one benefit to this and that is I left the room with my sinuses clearer than I have ever known!)
Another benefit, which you don't realise until you see it, is that you actually have a screen where you can watch the endoscope descend into your airway and throat and then lungs, it was the weirdest thing I have seen, yet strangely compelling! Like the film, 'Innerspace', really. This lasted approximately 10 minutes, and I can thoroughly assure you, possibly the longest 10 minute of my life.
Bhronoscopy is the term for the respiratory tract area that the endoscope investigates, as this was a diagnostic Brhonoscopy. The purpose to which was to find the root cause of why for the past few years, I have on occassion not just woken up everyday, but also blessed that day by spitting blood into the sink. Fortunately or unfortunately, my wife seemed to think that this perhaps required further investigation, like I said I had had this problem for a good number of years and had got used to it like an old tramp does that warm bench in the corner of the cemetary, where the wind is stopped by the mortuary chapel on a night. That Tramp though, is unmarried, and I am not. Hence a few months ago I headed to the doctors. My wife gives me chocolate in a rationed form. Now, I know how the North Koreans feel with sanctions, if you pick the right supply to cut off and then bingo, you own that country!
Now, I am especially rubbish at visiting Doctors or enjoying visiting hospitals. I have no intention of dying in a hospital, as that's where sick people end up. Not me, I shall die in some great cavalry charge, sword aloft and heading for the opposing Emperor. Death or Glory. Sometimes I envy Leonidas of Sparta his death, at Thermopylae. Not today though. I had to go because I had an appointment and I wanted to play the great Kings Mill hospital game of, 'Find that car parking space'. We did, my wife came as I was to be sedated and couldn't drive myself home. I didn't tell them that I probably could as I drove myself to the place before while having an acute allergic reaction. I kept that bit quiet and still fondly look upon it as one of the stupiest things, in hindsight I have achieved.
The process starts painfully and then, technically gets less painful, but more surreal. A bit like watching the X factor. It involved the Consultant sedating me by piercing my hand with a needle. Bizarre as I felt he could have offered me a nice single malt instead, my preferred method of sedation. Then, and this was arguably the most uncomfortable part of the whole day, was the anasthetic was injected through piercing my neck just below the adams apple with yet another needle. Now that one stung a little.
All this then enabled the classic conversation;
Consultant 'Do you have a strong gag reflex?' the temptation to reply
'Yes, depends on the gag. for instance, "A helvetica font walked into a bar, the barman said, 'get out we don't serve your type here'". always make me laugh, and you?'
What I actually replied was, ' I don't know', the rest of the sentence which I didn't vocalize was this, 'because when I had some spare time last week I decided to contemplate whether I had a strong or weak gag reflex, as I didn't have anything more interesting to think about. Like whether my daughter, when she looks at her dad, and rolls her eyes does this for a non-weird reason or thinking whether you could, in theory, grow a bacon tree to save the piggies?
I then proceeded to lie back and think of England as he shoved what can only be described, in an exaggerated way, an endoscope the width of an exhaust pipe up my nose and then turning it back down into my throat. I CANNOT stress just how bizarre this sensation is, really, don't try this at home with a bendy pencil. (there is one benefit to this and that is I left the room with my sinuses clearer than I have ever known!)
Another benefit, which you don't realise until you see it, is that you actually have a screen where you can watch the endoscope descend into your airway and throat and then lungs, it was the weirdest thing I have seen, yet strangely compelling! Like the film, 'Innerspace', really. This lasted approximately 10 minutes, and I can thoroughly assure you, possibly the longest 10 minute of my life.
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