Things that go bump in the night

My daughter is a narcissist, as the last post shows. My wife, however, is merely odd. 

Let's take last night. This week I go to work for 8am. Not too early you may say. I do have to drive 60 miles to get there. It is incredibly tiring to do in winter, the darkness and the coldness mean you need a decent night sleep so you are able to concentrate enough on the motorways.

This though did not happen last night. After a few hours of sleep, well after midnight, I am woken by my wife. 

‘Where is the little man’, she said.
‘What?’ I replied half asleep, ‘what are you talking about?’
‘The little man who lives in the duvet’ my wife states confidently.
‘Stop talking rubbish and go back to bed’ I turn over and go back to bed, ignoring the jibberish.

A while later my wife starts talking again

‘Have you seen the little man? He’s always lived in the duvet. Near the top. I can’t find him!’
‘Huh, says I’ woken for the second time. It must about 2am by now. ‘There is no little man in the duvet. You’re talking rubbish. Go back to bed.’ I plead.

Again, I turn over away from her as she keeps mentioning the man in the duvet. I fall back to sleep. Only to be woken again!

‘You have hidden him, haven't you!’ I stand accused now of kidnapping an imaginary little person who has for the last 13 years, unbeknownst to me, lived quietly in the duvet cover. My wife continues, accusingly. ‘You have deliberately hidden him to annoy me, haven't you?’ 

‘Go back to bed’ I say in vain.

‘Not until you find the little man. If you haven't hid him, then he is lost and you have to find him!’ 

(I’m now really, really wishing I was actually, already, at work!

‘There is no man in the duvet. You are having a dream or something. Go back to sleep as your talking utter drivel now. Let me go to sleep as I have to be up in a few hours’.

“But what about the little man. He’s lost’.

I turn over again. Neither caring about the little man, nor the fact that I'm sure my wife is going mad.


As she goes quiet again I whisper to the little man, who’s been hiding all this time that the coast is now clear and he can come out…

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