The debonair Basil Marigold's

The United Kingdom is on 'lockdown' if you follow the news, and read the papers. It isn't of course. I detest the use of the term 'lockdown.' For one, it's another creeping americanism that the world can do without. There it is used as a prison term. Here it's jarring and unhelpful because it means nothing happens, which is patently a position we are not in. I would for clarity refer to it as a partial shutdown at best. You can leave the house. You can leave for health reasons; ie: A run, or a walk. One even imagines cartwheeling down the road is acceptable provided you maintain the physical distancing. This takes me to another term that flabbergasts me, 'Social Distancing.' This is very much the last thing we should be doing. Humans are by evolution, social animals. What they are asking us to do is 'Physical' distancing. I believe it should be a minimum of two metres, so, virtually, a horizontal me in every direction when you are outside.

As the current crisis continues to sweep through this island, and people decide that only an average of 100 toilet rolls per household will suffice, we now face the prospect of opening our own private schools. We have discussed this with our children and we have decided on the following 6am - wake up 6:30 to 7:30am - Cross country run 7:30 to 7:45am - Shower (cold) to invigorate 7:45am to 8:30am - Breakfast. A choice of Kippers, or Eggs 8:30 to 9:30am - First Lesson: Mathematics ( NO BODMAS!) 9:30 to  10:30am - Second Lesson: English (NO DICKENS!) 10:30-10:45am Break - 10 laps of the garden 10:45 to Noon - Handwriting lessons Noon to 1pm - Lunch Menu Monday - Fish and boiled Vegetables with semolina pudding Tuesday - Fish and steamed Vegetables with spotted dick pudding Wednesday - Fish with roasted Vegetables with Tapioca pudding Thursday - Boiled Ham and mashed potatoes with Blancmange pudding Friday - Lamb with boiled potatoes with cold rice pudding and jam 1pm t

ARGGGGHHHH...cried the people as they were soon made aware that despite there being enough food in the shops they decided that this would not do and they needed that food in their houses  Not for any sensible reason, but because then they have the food and won’t need to share it.  And so, Britain, so clearly persuaded of Brexit because we they keep telling us that we survived the war we can survive Brexit and No-deal Brexit. It turns out at the first signs of a social problem they cannot survive without a collective panic. They do not have that survival mentality that the crazy brexiteers think is an inherent British value.  The current British value being highlighted is idiocy. Idiocy and selfishness.  This is both Morrisons and ALDI swept clean like an episode of Dale Winton’s supermarket sweep.  First they came for the pasta, toilet rolls and rice, now they come for the biscuits and squash! It also happens to be the first year in 43 years that I have received three emails from the C

I haven’t visited this part of the walk in centre before. These places tend to be fairly grim. I seem to remember that my last visit was over 8 years ago when it turned out I had broken some toes. I remember it involved a long wait. Hopefully with an appointment it may not involve a geological wait, like last time. However, these places tend to be invariably busy, don’t they. The major illnesses and the minor malaise all congregates into this green floored waiting area it seems.  The building is clearly too hot, hospitals always resemble baking ovens in my experience. It’s worse when you visit someone and in their room or there is just warm air and no respite. I hate that claustrophobic feeling it imparts. I have never coped well in heat so hospitals are really not places I wish to find myself in. Yet here I am, after 8 years taking advantage of the National Health Service. Truly one of the most civilised creations made by the human spirit. Something to be treasured.  No ch

It does seem when I really think about it that our daughter was born only a few years ago. Maybe even two, three years at a push. Imagine my surprise when we received the confirmation email that she has been offered a place at secondary school! And, to add to the shock, that place was due to be taken up this year! She’s going to be eleven by then!  Now, as I have said, this cannot be possible because that would indicate that our daughter was born eleven years ago and that would seem a really long tine ago. It’s truly frightening. Good job our son is only 1 years old. Plenty of time before we need to worry about him!! 

I went to Manchester today. It did not rain at all.  This counts as a miracle.

Good news. I was stood at the side of the train platform this morning and an older fella joined me. We were the only two and I obviously had my ‘come and talk to me, I’m approachable face on this morning.’ Like I do every morning of course. He began talking at me, and how I can’t recall but the subject moved onto this current hysterical inducing pandemic. The one were everyone in England seems to think that they now need to buy up all the toilet roll and hand gel in the country.  However, he then went on to explain to me how it has occurred.  Chinese people eating bats. Because of course, he continues, they’ll eat anything out there; dogs, cats and now obviously they have turned to bats.  With the cause of the current virus now known to me, I began to curse all the bat eating people of Wuhan.  Why could they not eat horses, instead?