Sunk, without trace. Farewell, Boaty McBoatface
For those of us who have a passion for maritime research and let's be honest, who doesn't! Today's news marks a very sad day for us all. For a couple of reasons; one, forever amusing. The other, an actual scandal!
For some peculiarly British reason, people who run major companies seem to have a massive over-optimistic belief in the sensibility of the British public. This was again proved by the building of a £200m polar maritime research vessel. Some marketing genius; One imagines them sat, sipping Starbucks coffee and oiling their hipster beard and having a thinking shower in an office; painted in primary colours. no chairs, just beanbags. The wizard thinker decides to hold a public contest to name this £200m vessel. Let's through it open to the public, he/she says. You see the problem already? No boundaries. That's great in a sterile think space. In the public sphere and with the record of British public - have you ever driven down the Lara Croft way, in Derby? - unfettered access to a public poll is comparable to giving a shotgun to a monkey. Guess what? It doesn't end well.
And so for the past few months the lead name that, quite frankly, blew any other name out of the water (perhaps not the best choice of words there) was - drum roll - BOATY MCBOATFCE! Yes, to give the boat its full title. Royal Research ship BOATY MCBOATFACE. Now, this is hilarious. I inadvertently voted for it. Much like I voted (often, as it also happened they did not restrict the amount of times you could vote) for a road in Derby to be named after an imagined female archaeologist, from a computer game, renowned for wearing tiny shorts and tinier tops...(you may have driven on that road?).
However. What has happened is the boat shall not be called, Boaty McBoatface. Despite it coming top of the poll. The great marketing wizard guru's (now unemployed I imagine, or working for the BBC on the one show I imagine), company has a problem. A £200m problem. It's flagship polar research vessel sailing past bemused Polar Bears wondering, no doubt, who the heroic person, Boaty McBoatface, must have been to have such an incredible vessel named after him.
The solution? They completely, and utterly ignore the results of the Poll. The Boat shall not be christened, Boaty McBoatface. How depressingly sad. Also, a little unjust. Regardless of how stupid you may have been to start with by allowing people to submit names and then voting for the suggestions. You must, I think, be responsible for the consequences. The boat should be named, Boaty McBoatface. (They are in fact, naming one of the onboard submarines this).
But. The scandal. The scandal is not, in not naming the boat, Boaty McBoatface. It is worse than that. And the saddest thing, though unsurprisingly not mentioned in massive capital letters and pushed as the real news story. They have in fact named the boat the RRS Sir David Attenborough. The virtually immortal naturalist who seems intent on outliving most of the animals he whispers at. I imagine there are those of you out there, now currently thinking; 'That's a good choice. He's nearly 90, after all, etc etc...' You would wrong. Very wrong. For this very simple and in my opinion, very scandalous reason. The suggested name, Sir David Attenborough, although on the list came in FOURTH!
Not even top 3. What, pray tell is the exact point of having a naming competition that A) excludes the most popular choice because, it's a little bit daft. but then B) picks the one that came in Fourth?
The clowns responsible for this debacle. There is no other word I think to describe a group who organise a competition and ignore the winner and pick whichever they like in the end. They are called the, Natural Environment Research Council (NERC). This could also stand for, Never Ever Running Competitions. That seems more suitable, the NERC are now being called to Parliament to sit before the Science and technology committee to discuss whether the naming project has been, to quote
The solution? They completely, and utterly ignore the results of the Poll. The Boat shall not be christened, Boaty McBoatface. How depressingly sad. Also, a little unjust. Regardless of how stupid you may have been to start with by allowing people to submit names and then voting for the suggestions. You must, I think, be responsible for the consequences. The boat should be named, Boaty McBoatface. (They are in fact, naming one of the onboard submarines this).
But. The scandal. The scandal is not, in not naming the boat, Boaty McBoatface. It is worse than that. And the saddest thing, though unsurprisingly not mentioned in massive capital letters and pushed as the real news story. They have in fact named the boat the RRS Sir David Attenborough. The virtually immortal naturalist who seems intent on outliving most of the animals he whispers at. I imagine there are those of you out there, now currently thinking; 'That's a good choice. He's nearly 90, after all, etc etc...' You would wrong. Very wrong. For this very simple and in my opinion, very scandalous reason. The suggested name, Sir David Attenborough, although on the list came in FOURTH!
Not even top 3. What, pray tell is the exact point of having a naming competition that A) excludes the most popular choice because, it's a little bit daft. but then B) picks the one that came in Fourth?
The clowns responsible for this debacle. There is no other word I think to describe a group who organise a competition and ignore the winner and pick whichever they like in the end. They are called the, Natural Environment Research Council (NERC). This could also stand for, Never Ever Running Competitions. That seems more suitable, the NERC are now being called to Parliament to sit before the Science and technology committee to discuss whether the naming project has been, to quote
"A triumph of public engagement or a PR disaster"Hopefully, after much laughter they might take on the real issue here. Not the silly name but how they arrived at the fourth choice in a poll.
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